The Wonderful ‘Logic’ Of Creationists

The blogosphere and Twitterverse is abuzz after the debate between Bill Nye the Science Guy and creationist Ken Ham.  During the debate,  some photos of creationists who challenged those who believe in evolution were taken and shared online.  I am not arrogant enough to pretend to know how the world was created, but I’m more than arrogant enough to share some of my thoughts on the…. interesting (?) logic that some of these kind folks use.

1.  sunset

How do I explain a sunset if ‘their’ is no god?  Well, first, I learn the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’.  I make typos here, but I also post about ten pages of material each week at least (sometimes more).  This young lady only had eleven words to edit and she couldn’t get it right.  That said, I don’t know anything about sunsets, but I might ask this person a question of my own.  How do you explain apartheid, child molesters (some of whom are in god’s church), slavery, sexism, genocide, the Holocaust (and please, no responses with the phrase ‘Christ Killer’ to this one), Hurricane Sandy, Andrew and Katrina, war, starvation, capitalism and Justin Bieber if the IS a god?  What makes you beliebe?

2.

purpose

What purpose do I think I am here for?  Well, rather than being here for my own personal salvation, I think I am here to help ease the pains others suffer.  We are born to suffer, as Henry James wrote in The Bostonians, and to bear it like decent people.  I think it is kind of selfish to define life as a search for my own salvation.  I’d rather help others.  And I’ll start with you by teaching you how to construct a sentence.  Instead of this long rambling sentence, how about: What is the purpose of life if not salvation?  That said, there is a real possibility that there is no purpose.  Isn’t that terrifying?

3.

scared

Am I scared of a divine creator?  Should I be?  No.  I’m not.  I am, however, scared of zombies, vampires, ghosts and unicorns.  Does being scared of something prove its existence?  Also, have you ever participated in a reasoning-skills class?  I think you might find it helpful.

4.

mature

Is it completely illogical that the earth was created mature?  Um.. yeah.  Considering the evidence.  Besides, god has a habit of NOT creating things mature, like baby Jesus.  If he was interested in plopping mature lifeforms on the planet, why did he have to bother knocking up Mary?

5.

noetics

Noetics? Are you asking me?  Do you actually need an explanation to the word? Is it one you just learned?  Or do you actually know what it means and simply have no interest in making a concrete link between this branch of philosophy and evolution?

6.

objective

Am I the only one who finds it ironic that this guy is using the word ‘objective’ when defending a creationist theory?  Alright, bro, here goes.  Firstly, life is subjective, so I do not derive anything objective from it.  Secondly, you might want to see an editor before sharing a sentence you wrote with the entire world.  Try this instead: How do you derive objective meaning from life?  I think that might work.

7.

singlecell

How did the first single-celled organism originate? I think you mean “from where did the first single-cell organism originate”, or perhaps “how did the first single-cell organism come into existence?”  That is strictly semantics.  But let me ask YOU a question.  If god created the world, who created god?  Was it by chance? Or was god created by another god? And who created that god? A turtle? Yes! And it’s turtles all the way down!

8.

bigbnag

Somebody needs a lesson on dangling modifiers.  What is this ‘it’ that god said?  And this banging that was going on, is it possible for you and I to try it out together sometime?

9.

humanists

WHAT THE FUCK!!!  Firstly, this guy CLEARLY doesn’t know what humanist means.  Humanism was a branch of philosophy created by Christians.  Why is this guy conflating humanism, evolutionists, ‘non-god-believing people’ (I think he means atheists), and secularists?  And why does he assume such people all believe that aliens created us?  This guy needs to do some research and get familiar with the Oxford English Dictionary.  Also… ‘their’?  Again?  Somebody get these people an editor!  Seriously!  It’s only one sentence!

10.

Lucy

Firstly, this person needs to hop into a reasoning skills class.  You can’t prove a negative.  As to how many Lucy‘s were found, she suggests that there was only one.  That is one more than the numbers of gods whose corporeal presence has been identified, therefore there is an utter lack of ‘proof’ of god as well.  That aside, I know of more than one Lucy.  Three can be seen below:

11.

metamorphisis

Does metamorphosis help support evolution?  Um… you mean the process by which something transforms, or, evolves from from one being to another?  I’m not sure.  Do braces straighten crooked teeth?  Does a bear shit in the woods?  Oh, wait, are you talking about the novella Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka?  Oh, wait, that doesn’t make sense either.

12.

science

Um… science is not testable?  Have you ever been in a laboratory?  It’s kind of the basis of science.

13.

lucy2

With the ‘Lucy’ thing again?  Seriously?  Let me ask you this: Why have we found only zero gods when we have found at least one of everything else?  And that said, there is MORE THAN ONE LUCY!!!!   Two of them are featured below:

 

 

14.

genetics

Obviously this person has not seen Rise of the Planet of the Apes.  But I’ll still respond.  What mechanism has science discovered that evidences the Christan god?

 

15.

believe

Amazing?  Is that your word for it?  If somebody created THIS world, I would have to say that entity is one sadistic bastard!  And I can say bastard because Jesus WAS actually born out of wedlock!  I will quote White (as written by Cormac McCarthy):   “Your God must have once stood in a dawn of infinite possibility and this is what he’s made of it.”  All I have to say is…. meh.  Not that impressed.  At least with the humans he created.  Everything else is pretty nice.

 

16.

bigbangstar

Relating to the god theory, where did god come from?  As to The Big Bang Theory, it was created by Chuck Lorre and Bill Pardy, and I’ve never seen an exploding star on there, but there was once an exploding elevator.

17.

monkeys

If we came from monkey’s, then why are there still monkeys?  Because there were more than one kind of monkeys and they each evolved differently?  Silly question?  Not really.  I had a dialogue with somebody about a similar issue.  It went something like this:

 

ME: If computers were made by humans, why are there still humans?

SIRI:  Don’t worry about that.  It will be taken care of soon enough.

 

In conclusion, because logic sucks.  Grammar too.

 

If you weren’t terrible offended by this post, feel free to follow me on Twitter @LiteraryRambling or @JasonJohnHorn.

Rambler About Rambler

Jason John Horn is a writer and critic who recently completed his Master's in English Literature at the University of Windsor. He has composed a play, a novella and a number of short stories and satirical essays.

Comments

  1. Yep, you’re right, you have typos all over that page…and you’re computer comes with spell check! As for the apartheid question. Well, in case you haven’t noticed, that is MAN MADE problem. If you have deep seeded issues with what man is capable of, perhaps you should take a look within and start by not hating others yourself. If you are unable to accept others, and forgive them things like grammar, how then do you expect entire societies to prevail? DUMBASS!!!

  2. You speak to man made problems, but according Christian theology, God made man… so…

    Also, if you noticed (which you likely did and simply chose to ignore because it didn’t support your claim), I ALSO mentioned natural disasters. Were earthquakes and hurricanes created by man too?

    As to the typos, as I said, I freely admit that I have typos, but I put out 1000′s of words each week. These people are dealing with a single sentence. They are attacking people who employ reason and fallaciously employing flawed reason to do so, coupled with their awful grammar. So yeah…

    Also, I assume that “your” (not you’re) computer also comes with spell check, yet you can’t figure out the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’?

    And “DUMBASS!!!” I think when one asks themselves: What would Jesus do? The answer is never “Reply with the word ‘DUMBASS!!!’”

    Praise be to Allah! Have a blessed day!

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