1000 Books In 10 Years; Vol. 160: Fifty Shades Of Grey, by E L James

knotsWhere does one begin with a book that has so much wrong with it?  The protagonist is unbelievably naive and inexperienced.  She has a cell phone, and has graduated from college, yet she doesn’t have an e-mail address?  Seriously?  A twenty-one year old college student in America that doesn’t have an e-mail address? Schools actually ASSIGN e-mail addresses to students.   And not only that, but she has never even entertained the idea of sex in her twenty-one years.  I can believe somebody having been a virgin at that age, but to never have even so much as considered sex?  No oral, no heavy petting, no masturbation or self-exploration?  It is hinted at that she has kissed men before, but she hasn’t even considered taking on a boyfriend until her twenty-first year.  And she is the type of woman who plays stupid when a guy, who she has spent four years mooching alcohol off of, and who set her up with a car, and whose arm she puts her own arm through when they are walking, makes a move to kiss her one night.  And apparently, according to one of the novel’s characters, one can simply go “online” and triangulate where somebody is via their cell phone.  Um… no.   POLICE CAN’T EVEN DO THAT SHIT!!!!  One cannot simply do that.  But these are the type of details that fill this novel and makes it impossible to suspend your disbelief long enough to actually enjoy the narrative.  Christain Grey?  Oh, he’s the CEO of a company and a multi-billionaire who has earned it all from scratch and is only twenty-seven years old.  Seriously?  That much money does not come that fast to anybody outside of lottery winners.  And this woman has orgasms that you wouldnt believe.  Once a penis is inside of her she is cumming out of her ears!  Coupled with that, she also has the last name of her step-father, despite the fact that her biological father was alive and married to her mother at her birth, so there would be no reason for her to NOT have her biological father’s last name.  The novel is too fantastic it is beyond belief and projects an ideal that could never be achieved.  People crossing the country to go gliding and eating dinner in fancy restaurants, having cars bought for you, and computers and expensive cell phones.   Aside from the problematic narrative points, the book is offensive on so many levels.  It projects woman as a piece of property.  The female protagonist of the novel actually states that she wants to be “his”, rather that he be hers, and a contract is put before her that concedes that she (Anastasia Steel) is to be subservient to him (Christian Grey).  The book undoes 500 years of the women’s movement and sends women back into the stone age where they are seen as property and need to be taken care of by a man.  I actually wanted to throw up reading this shit.  And for those of you who might see this work as a ‘guilty pleasure’ and strictly as masturbatory material, it doesn’t even work on that level. The dirty sex scenes, they suck.  I didn’t get hard once reading this shit.  This book is a failure on every level and it disgusts me that such garbage is actually read and enjoyed by anybody.  It just seems to me that anybody that is capable of putting together the wherewithal to learn to read should be able to discern that this work is less engaging than shit on toilet paper.   There is no way in hell that I will even entertain the thought of reading the other 1000+ pages that go along with this trilogy.  The only way you could get me to read anything else by this author would be if you paid me a large sum of money.



Rambler About Rambler

Jason John Horn is a writer and critic who recently completed his Master's in English Literature at the University of Windsor. He has composed a play, a novella and a number of short stories and satirical essays.


  1. Corrupted says:

    didn’t read the book but I have to discredit one of your claims:

    Christain Grey? Oh, he’s the CEO of a company and a multi-billionaire who has earned it all from scratch and is only twenty-seven years old. Seriously? That much money does not come that fast to anybody outside of lottery winners.

    One name: Mark Zuckerburg Founder, Facebook
    Age: 27

  2. Rambler Rambler says:

    Ah… the exception that proves the rule. Point well made!

Speak Your Mind